Frumpy Mom: Excuse me while I try to bash this bottle open

Over the years, I’ve given you people lots of useless advice, but here’s some that you shouldn’t ignore: Get yourself a live-in body builder.
If this is impossible, I’m willing to rent out my son for a nominal fee. He can bench press 300 pounds.
The reason you need a strongman in your house is simple: Someone has to open all those bottles, jars and packages that come so hermetically sealed that only a nuclear bomb will blow them open. Well, a nuclear bomb or a bodybuildin