My 16-year-old does not own an iguana. But he’s hoping to convince the GCSE examiners that he does | Zoe Williams

It’s time for the language orals. Cue countless stilted conversations about imaginary pets and books that kids haven’t actually read“What do you think is the greatest threat to the planet, and why?” I ask my 16-year-old.“Earthquakes. Because buildings fall. And this causes animals to die.”Zoe Williams is a Guardian columnistDo you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be cons